About Her
by Kikyo56
Summary: ”I can’t kill Keade, I won’t let you have the jewel” I said and tears rolled down my cheeks. “Very well, but you let Kikyou remain dead, remember this, Inuyashakun. Farewell” He said then suddenly turned around, gone.
1. Holding her dead

My babes got a heart, like a rock that's in the sea  
Well no one told me about her  
the way she lies She lay in my hands, bloody, beaten, and dead. I couldn't believe what was in front of me; I was waiting to wake up. This was a dream, no a nightmare, of some sort, and I would awake. My hands buried into her hair, and my face pressed onto her, my trembling lips letting little noises out. Little noises of anguish and despair. The winter wind whipped around us, her pale skin reflecting the snow. Her skin, so flawless, it outshone the snow surrounding it. Or it would have. Bright red blood harden the snow, melted it place here and there, her white skin caked with frozen stiff blood that was all her own. Her face barely recognizable, her long jet-black hair stuck together here and there. Who would do this? Who could do this to such… a beautiful and gentle person? I let out a sob I had been holding, as long as I didn't cry I could still play make believe. "So, Inuyasha-kun, do you like?" A sharp voice asked, the man presenting himself. He hid behind a heavy baboon pelt, and all I could do was stare. I was too stuck with anger, with hate and sorrow to even move, I needed time. "Why did you?" I managed to ask, I wanted to kill him but I wanted to know why just as badly. "I didn't, but I can help you" He said, stepping slowly forward, his pelt riding over the frozen blood ice. "How?" I asked, willing to hear anything to bring her back, to keep her near once again, to hold her while warm. "Simple, the Shikon-no-Tama is all I need, and I need it stained black with hate, with innocence, and Kikyou will live again, she'll look like before" He said, leaning downwards, running his finger across Kikyou's bear arm, the sleeve of her outfit ripped off. I stared at him, and then at Kikyou. She had risked her life for that jewel; pledge to keep it away from danger, to keep it pure. Could I trade it to such an evil looking man, one with an aura too strong, too malicious. "You do need to kill her littler sister, however, then I swear I'll bring Kikyou back without any memory of Keade, or her death" He said and continued to play with Kikyou's fingers.

"I can't kill Keade, I won't let you have the jewel" I said and tears rolled down my cheeks. Damn, why did they have to overflow then? He looked up, but I couldn't really see his eyes, and smiled at me. He stood up and turned "Very well, but you let Kikyou remain dead, remember this, Inuyasha-kun. Farewell" He said then suddenly turned around. "Oh and if you change your mind, stick the jewel in the young one's neck, and return here with it, I'll be watching the village tonight, and only tonight, near the well. Farewell" He said and suddenly was gone.

I stared at Kikyou, and held her hand in mine.. "Kikyou, can you see me now? Would you want life with me, or the purity of the Shikon jewel?" I asked and the lifeless body remained limp, unanswering. Would I kill Keade to be with Kikyou? Would I be able to life with myself? I reached into Kikyou's top, and there lay the Shikon-no-Tama. Why kill her without taking the Jewel? I picked her up, holding the body in my arms as I walked back to my house. That was one of the saddest things, holding my love's dead body while I took her back to my place, knowing she won't move ever again. No one told me about her, how many people cried 

I sat leaning on the rock wall, the cave offering little warmth. Kikyou lay across me, a blanket covering her. I wondered why I even brought her back with me, why I didn't just bury her back there. I stared outside, trying to blame it on the snowfall, which was too light to actually stop me from doing anything. The image of Kikyou's death played in my head, as if I was there.

I could only imagine what some sick demon, or worse yet a murderous male, did to her before she died. I could picture all too clearly, step by step. I never saw someone get tortured to death, yet I was able to picture it visibly in my mind. Night was to end soon, and I wondered if that man's deal was still up.

Shaking my head, I stood up and started walking towards the village, the shikon-no-tama buried in my top. I could feel invisible hands pushing me, holding me back from doing what I was thinking. They were strong hands, cold as the snow, solid as steel. Keeping my eyes closed, using only my nose, I found Kikyou's hut quickly. I'm sure Keade is asleep now, she has to be, after looking for her lost sister all night. I pull back the straw mat, making little noise but Keade wasn't asleep. "Kikyou?" She screamed, and I feel her hug my legs before searching in the dark and lighting a fire.

Her face holds a slight twinge of disappointment when I stand before her, but she hides is well. "Inuyasha-kun, I'm sorry, I thought you were-" Stab. Without open eyes I stab her. Get it over quick, quickly so I can leave as soon as possible. "Inu?" She asks, and I can feel her hug me weakly, most likely trying to push away but too weak. My claws stay dug in her while she inhales and exhales, and we stay like this for some time, me leaned down with claws in her gut, her hunched over, both of us too shocked to move, both too hurt.

She lets out one last gasp, and I open my eyes too soon to see her staring at them, water pouring from her eyes, asking what her mouth could not. 'Why Kikyou?' 'What did I do?' 'I loved you… so much, didn't you love me?' I'm unable to move even as she slides off my claws, and I just stay there, leaning and on one knee. I next part is a blur, I don't even remember sticking the jewel in her neck and leaving, but the only time I snap back to reality is when I'm staring at the man checking over the jewel.

"I'm surprised you actually did it Inuyasha-kun" He says and pulling his hand, along with the jewel, back into the pelt. "Well, like I said," He muttered, indifferent to the situation, and moving to the side, Kikyou behind him and cleaned up "here is Kikyou". This night has taken so much out of me I can barely run to her, and when I do I'm sure I look strange as my legs wobble. I stumble down beside her, shaking her with all I can, repeating her name in a frenzy, her eyes lids opening to reveal blank eyes. I turn slowly around, and I can hear a faint laugh coming from the man, or demon, and suddenly it hits me what a trick this was. "We agreed alive, you never saying moving, talking, living sort of alive" He said, satisfied with his ploy.

I was suddenly hit with a type of anger that has never surged in me before, I'm beyond control. "Her soul reincarnated into someone out there already, that woman had no real sins to pay for in the after life" He snickers, "go find her soul lil' doggy". I'm sure my screams can be heard across the world, and rage unsustainable. I make a leap at him, which he ducks easily, swallowing the jewel as a whole. I had to kill him before it combined with his blood and became part of him, before he became all-powerful. My body feels different, my claws have grown, my fangs longer and I can't think.

I leap at him, cutting him on the arm. He moves. I hit him in the leg. Blood. Blood everywhere. Kill. I chase in till he smacks into a tree. Blood. His blood. Open stomach pouring out his insides. More blood. Metallic tasting, tastes good. His body being torn, more red liquid everywhere, its real warm compared to the snow. It feels nice.

I come to sometime in the morning, and the jewel rest under a heaping pile of torn skin, broken bones, browning red blood. I can't even tell if this is that man or someone else. I can't even tell if its human or not. I'm completely covered in blood, and part of… I don't even know hang from under my claws and in between my teeth. I see kneecaps thrown into the tree, a foot resting beside me, birds flying overhead and waiting for me to leave. I stand up, taking the jewel and rushing towards Kikyou.

She hasn't moved, but her fair skin is back, she looks perfect like before. I hug her instantly, forgetting about the blood on me. "Don't worry Kikyou, I'll find your soul, I'll bring you back somehow. I have too"

_Well no one told me about her  
How many people cried,  
But its to late to say your sorry, how would I know, why should I care,  
Please don't bother trying to find her, she's not there_


	2. She isn't here

_Blue sky took forever  
__The green grass blows in the wind, dancing  
__It would be much better a sight with you, with me  
__If you hadn't met me I'd be fine on my own, baby  
__I never felt so lonely, then you came along_

The fire crackles in front of me, Kikyou laying beside me in an eternal sleep. Seventeen years. Seventeen years passed since the day my world fell apart, fell into darkness. Nothing helped chase away the pain I feel, nothing. No amount of drinking, of drugs, could keep away those feelings. The brief idea of using the jewel to better myself has crossed my mind, but I couldn't do it. Kikyou would know what to do with the jewel when she wakes up. Time has passed like a snail, days becoming unimportant, the journey means nothing when looking towards the end result.

The horse was becoming more annoyed with each passing moment; thirst nipping at him, like was at me. I'm poking at the fire before, staring into the distance with certain distaste. The wind whipped by me, and I shrank into place, staring at the darkening sky with puzzlement. I couldn't feel much of anything anymore; I had become colder then before meeting Kikyou. My emotions are scattered and never lasted long. I would only feel sudden rushes of anger or hate, of sadness but never happiness.

When the rushes of emotions came, they completely took over me. I would wither on the floor, clutching my gut while trying to block out the emotions. They were stronger than any pain I could face, they were more demanding and cruel than master I could serve under. You were your own jailer, your own torturer.

I couldn't stay angry, it was beyond me now. I wanted to be angry at whoever killed Kikyou, but it's seemed irrelevant. I tried hard to hate whoever killed her, whoever hurt her, but I could only think of why I should hate him or her. No emotions bubbled in me when I thought of it, my stomach would twist a little at the idea, but I couldn't summon emotion anymore.

_So now what should I do, I'm strung out, addicted to you  
__My body it aches now that you're gone  
__My supply fell through _

A village comes into view, and though I try, my horse is in such need of water that he cannot run. I reach the village some minutes later, bringing water and food for my horse immediately. I notice then that the whole village is rather large and rich. Every hut is huge, and a castle sits perched on the top of the hill. I rushed to the nearest stand, ordering some rice balls and tea with water. The man working at the stand is too scared to deny me the food, and shaking he brings it. As I bite down on the rice ball in my hand, I cannot help but notice everyone is looking at Kikyou more strangely then they are looking at me.

I tilt my ears up, trying to pick up whatever they are muttering to themselves, but they are speaking in hushed voices and I cannot hear them no matter how hard I try. Suddenly my gut drops, my eyes become unfocused and I'm unable to move. "Doesn't she look A LOT like princess Asuko-san?" I hear a mutter, was it from a woman? A child? No, a man? I can't tell, the second the words came out I actually felt sick with emotions.

I stand up and suddenly grab the source of the sound, a man with a sword hanging limply on his waist. "Is that the woman living in the castle up there?" I ask, my hair covering my face and sticking to places here and there with sweat. I'm surprised as the man closes his eyes and sighs, pulling out his sword with a speed I thought unreachable by humans. I let go just in time to only have my hand slightly cut. "I will not tell you were Lady Asuko lives, but I can tell you lives not in that castle" He snaps, staring straight at me.

I can't help it, I'm a little impressed by his ability to stand up to me so. I think he is lying; maybe I just want him to be. I dart to the right, then left, rushing towards him, trying to confuse him, but he can see my movies before I do them. He raises his sword, hitting me firmly in the ribs and cutting me deeply. This is embarrassing; Kikyou is the only human who should get a hit in on me. I can't take my time with this man; I have to check the castle. I dart and grab Kikyou, holding her under my arm and rushing for the castle. I hear a faint "Warn Lady Asuko!" as I run, and a smile graces my face like it hasn't done in years.

I jump over a tree and land in front of the castle, trying to think of a way in. I nearly jump out of my skin as Kikyou makes the faintest, smallest movement. Its like a sudden small jolt. She lifts her head lightly, and I think she is trying to look at me. She moves slowly and rests her hand on my neck, staring at me. Her eyes are so bare and empty it scares me, and I don't know what to do. It was almost like her hand was gripping my neck, but she is weaker then a new born, and it almost feels like its not there.

I shake my head and jump up the wall, trying hard to ignore the slightly moving Kikyou. The wall opens into a courtyard with ten or so guards waiting patiently for nothing to happen. When I jump into the middle of the yard, the guards just stand for a second before springing into action. I can hear the roars of the village, the guards and Kikyou moving at a sails pace to do anything. I don't have to take much time to defeat the feeble guards who in comparison to the sword man outside are children. A few Blades of Blood and my claws do the trick, and I'm inside.

Kikyou has now become dead weight as I face harder opponents. I've followed a man who didn't know I was chasing him to the general area of the princess, but now I face two samurai. Samurai always had a way of scaring me, of making me shudder and second-guess myself. They were cold beings, trained from birth and never allowed to live.

I placed Kikyou down and took my stance; Asuko's room was no doubt just beyond them. They were working together to make things worse, they weren't just waiting for their turn, they were one. I couldn't remember how many times I was sliced, nothing I did could dodge them, not the mention the hallway was small, making it impossible to move.

I got one chance to take them down, or I might die instead. They used a form of running at me in which their ankles were a weak spot, and only their ankles. Once again they ran at me, and that's when I sent the Blades of Blood towards their ankles. They fall down with a thud, screaming in pain and gripping their heels. The blades had cut their anchilie's heel, doubling the pain then I could have. I picked up Kikyou and made for the sliding door, behind which lay a room full of gold and paintings. It was a stunning room, but didn't have time to gaze.

_You gladly gave me everything you had and more, you craved my happiness,  
When you make me feel joy it makes you smile_

A seventeen-year-old girl looked up, eyes sadden with the news of her fate. Kikyou was suddenly struggling very hard, and she kicked loose of me, lying on the floor. "Please don't hurt me," The girl asked but she wasn't crying, it was like she had accepted the worse before it was dealt to her. She looked remarkably like Kikyou; even her hair was the same. Her eyes were the same type of sadness Kikyou's always held.

If Kikyou were to dress in expensive robes and have her hair tied back with golden pins and various other small items, she'd be the woman before me. Her kimono was silver with golden waterfalls, and was so long around the sleeves they touched the floor. She had on an under robe that was black, and under that was a white robe.

I had to stare, it was like seeing my Kikyou dressed as a lady and not sworn to the robes of a miko. She even had red lipstick on, a white powder on her face and neck, and charcoal around her eyes. She was perfect, and not because she was Asuko, but because she looked like my Kikyou. Asuko rose, the kimono falling into place and I was almost to stunned to react, she was more then perfect. "Please, I don't know why you have come her, but I will do anything I can to help you, if you'd spare me my life" She begs, taking a step forward but shivering as she dose.

I didn't know if I could kill her to release the soul, to let it go back to Kikyou. This woman was unlike any other. She was beauty, she was innocent and above all, she was just like Kikyou. Even her voice held a faint resemblance to Kikyou's, even her movements. I wanted to hug her; it was just like seeing Kikyou after all these years. I loved her.

Suddenly she let out a scream that could make blood run cold, a scream told in horror stories. She grips at her face, and falls to the ground on one knee. "Stop! Stop her! Help me!" She is yelling, reaching towards me. I look down to see Kikyou gripping her leg, black rising from her hand. I'm staring at the madness before me, the girl rolling on the ground and shrieking. Clumps of skin and flesh fall to the ground, its like she is being burned alive. "Help!" She screams again, her eyeball falling out, her hair burning up in flames. Her bones are showing, her kimono half brunt off. Blood is covering the floor along with blackened brunt flesh, bones where fingers should be claw at the floor best they can.

I have a hold of Kikyou's leg, but its like she is stuck to the ground and I can't even lift her, much less move her. The girl stops making noise and from her raises a black clump of glowing balls. They are dripping a black gooey liquid before slowly lowering themselves into Kikyou. She looks up, from under her hair with only half an eye visible, and mutters, "You… killed me".

_But now I feel your stress,  
__Love was never meant to be such a crazy affair, no… and who has time for tears?  
__Never thought I'd sit around and cry for your love, 'till now…_


	3. Blackened Miko

You walk on like a woman in suffering  
Won't even bother now to tell me why  
You come alone, letting none of us savour the moment  
Leaving me broken another time

The blood stained miko walks her road alone.

She hunched up, half crawling as her body shook. I don't know what to do, but my body has back away on its own accord. I was speechless, this wasn't the Kikyou I knew, this was a monster in disguise. Everything about her beckoned evil, set chills up my spine, this is the very opposite of the Kikyou I knew. "I didn't," I said, wanting to run and hug her, yet to scared to "kill you". She pulled herself up, standing tall, her face visible but still scary, still evil. She walks towards me, and for the first time I think Kikyou is going to really hurt me. "Inu… yasha" She mutters, placing her hand on my shoulder, the other hand on my cheek.

"You deny it, even you yourself, but you Inuyasha… killed me," She says, gripping my hair suddenly and yanking my face closer to hers. "DO NOT DENY THE TRUTH!" She screams, throwing me across the room with a force I didn't know she had. My head is spinning, I can't really see. She has a hold of me again, gripping my kimono top, her hand above my head and resting on the wall. "You know this all, you have to" She snaps, but I'm sure I can hear the faintest and ALMOST silent sob underline her words. "Kikyou…" I sigh, and now my head is pounding, I'm gripping my gut; all I can feel is a wave of pain. My eyes have rolled back, and I can't hear what Kikyou is saying.

You come on like a bloodstained hurricane  
Leave me alone, let me be this time  
You carry on like a holy man pushing redemption  
I don't want to mention, the reason I know

That I am stricken and can't let you go  
When the heart is cold, there's no hope, and we know  
That I am crippled by all that you've done  
Into the abyss will I run

Suddenly I can see myself hitting her, clawing her and blood covering me. I see myself stabbing her eyes, clawing at her legs as the flesh rips off easily. I screaming some sort of betrayal, it's hard to tell what I'm saying with the foam coming from my mouth. I've taken her and broken her arm, laughing while she begs why. I lean down, taking her fingers and breaking them each one at a time.

I'm licking her neck, lapping the blood up. "Kikyou… you whore" I've said, and while she lays there, half alive with her leg broken and both arm, I dig my finger into her chest. I'm pulling out flesh and skin with my claw, blood has gushed out accordingly. I'm making little inserts into her body, just making her feel pain but not killing her.

I raise her face to mine, smiling while I kiss her. She has hot salty tears running down her cheeks, and I can't help but bite down into her cheek. She lets out a faint scream, but I think I did something to her neck and the scream is more a strange noise.

I want to stop hurting her, but I can't, my hands seem like they have a life of their own. I feel sick to my gut despite the fact I'm smiling while I raise my hand covered in blood to let the red liquid drip on me. She lets out a sob like noise, more like she was tried of holding onto life, and I don't see her move anymore. I poke at her body a couple of times; I even claw her again, to see if she is dead or not. Her chest isn't moving; she is lying silent before me. A man with the baboon pelt is in my head the whole time, beckoning to me keep hurting her.

You don't know what your power has done to me  
I want to know if I'll heal inside  
I can't go on with a holocaust about to happen  
Seeing you laughing another time

I awake to Kikyou surrounded by dead men; I think guards, and fighting off more. I'm hurting all over and feel sick but I still able to dart to Kikyou and grab hold of her. She is covered in blood, this isn't the Kikyou I know at all, her soul is blackened, the old Kikyou would never allow someone else's blood to touch her. I have hold of her waist and I'm darting out of the castle, trying to save Kikyou from herself.

"Let me go" She growls, which is scarier then a yell, and stabs me firmly in the gut with a short sword. I close my eyes in the case of the awkward pain; still I'm running from the castle, and into the forest. She is twisting the sword with every second I'm holding onto her, I'm coughing up blood.

I can't run anymore and I stumble over myself, Kikyou falling to the ground with me. I'm holding my side with the sword stuck in it while curling in pain. "Kikyou" I breathe as she stands up, pulling out another sword. "Please" I beg, trying to sit up but my body feels like cement and doesn't want to move. "Why did you do it?" She asks, holding the sword in one hand, back on the tree and eyes displaying her sadness. "I… didn't! The man with the baboon pelt" I mutter, trying to pull the sword from my side out, but the pain is so much I vomit.

She shakes her head, a confused look covering her face as she leans on the tree for, it looks like, support. "Liar" She snaps, tears making her eyes glossy as she tries to fight them back, she is breathing in heavily. I start crawling to her even if my body is begging me to stop, the blood loss may actually end up killing me if she doesn't. "Please, believe me, why would I kill the woman… I love?" I ask and rest on her feet, which she is moving while trying to get me off them, but not really since she would have if she wanted to. "To get the jewel," She sobs, kicking me off her and running to another near by tree.

I pull the jewel out of my top, letting it roll across the grass for less then a second. She stares at it, then at me, and walks slowly forward. She picks it up, looks at me, and snaps, "You're a liar, you didn't just kill me, you tortured me. I can't trust you; you're not making any sense. You got off on hurting me, didn't you?!" She screams, and suddenly a feel a sharp pain all in my body.

You'll never know how your face has haunted me  
My very soul has to bleed this time  
Another hole in the wall of my inner defences  
Leaving me breathless, the reason I know

I smile as I see her stabbing me gut, leaning over me and hair covering her face. "He… promised that, you wouldn't remember your death, my Kikyou" I say and brush away her hair from her face to see tears, like a river, running down her cheeks. "My only regret, even if you never believe me, is that you can remember your death. I'm sorry it was my hands, but it was not my soul," I mutter and suddenly she collapses on me. She is crying wildly, and I hug her a little. "Don't cry, I hurt you and I wasn't strong enough to stop myself, I'm sorry again, I love you Kikyou," I mutter. She nuzzles my neck and I can't tell if it's wet because of blood or tears, maybe a bit of both. I'm dying and can only think some things I've learned over these years.

You are your own jailer, your own torturer. The pain you put yourself in is worse then any other pain someone can inflict on you. Love is something meant to be tested, and it is because of these tests that we do not accept, we fail. Love is more powerful then we give credit for, it is the one pure thing that even in this corrupted world, which has always been corrupt, we can still fight for. The word love is now one of a few things: Spoken too soon, not spoken at all, or simply a hallow word to the person. Without love, we have nothing, no friendship, no family, and no happiness. To kill away your love is to kill away a part of yourself, to make yourself void. It is because of love that we are all human.


End file.
